• Lynley Forde

The Fabric of Family

The first time I met my now husband’s extended family was in a woolshed. In December.

For those of you who haven’t ever been in a woolshed, they have a certain “ambience” – especially in summer. It was the annual sporting fixture between two sides of the extended family; a tradition that had, for a number of years, brought this large family together for a few laughs before Christmas. My husband and I won the balloon bursting competition – enough said!

Now, in our own family, we have a number of small traditions that are an important part of our family story – the “who we are” and “how we are” part of our family. One of those traditions is starting someone’s birthday with a shared, special breakfast. This can be tricky to deliver at times – especially if it falls on a school day with early activities, but it has come to represent an important part of how we celebrate each member of the family.

Traditions are important in that they help families develop a sense of connectedness and family identity. Shared stories, activities and events, which are unique to a family, provide a “glue” that helps develop a sense of belonging and enables us to weave our own family fabric - the unique cloth of colours, threads, textures and patterns that represents our family story and provides warmth and protection from life’s stormy weather. A strong family fabric can provide a “soft place to fall” and a representation of the unique qualities of the wider family. For children, a strong family fabric helps them to understand themselves and their strengths better. When major change happens in a family or challenges arise, knowing that there is a strong connection to others in the family is a resource that can be used to build resilience.

We can build traditions by looking at what we already have around us, we don’t need to spend large sums of money or arrange elaborate activities. In fact, the small and ordinary moments of family life provide the best opportunity for weaving your family story. As parents, we can think about and share:

Some of the positive stories and events from the past that help create your family story. Children often enjoy hearing about parent’s experiences growing up and how on earth they could possibly have survived pre internet!

Stories of relatives from past generations – who they were and how they lived.

Stories of extended family members who might have similar interests or skills to your children

You can also ask your children to share:

Tell me about your favourite time of the day?

Tell me about fun activities you like to do as a family?

Tell me about fun things you like to do outdoors?

Weaving your own family fabric takes time; pause and look around you to the moments in the day, days in the week, weeks in the months and months in the year for those special threads to start to appear.

Lynley Forde, 2Flourish www.2flourish.nz


Issue 86 April 2018